Chipmunk Cullen
by SpiderMonkey92
Summary: Emmett thinks he's a chipmunk and he tries to persuade the rest of his family! Will any of the Cullens discover theri animal side? Read to find out......x.x.x
1. Chapter 1

A/N This is little imaginative!!

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Author = Mairead aka me!

Fictional Character = Emmett aka Chipmunk Cullen

Mairead- "I don't own twilight"

Chipmunk Cullen- "Why not?"

(Aka Emmett)

Mairead- "I just don't Emmett!"

Chipmunk Cullen- "Mairead its Chipmunk Cullen, yeesh you made it up remember?"

Mairead- "O yea sorry!"

Chipmunk Cullen- "Forgiven!!!!

Chipmunk Bear Hug??"

Get's a Chipmunk Bear Hug from, Chipmunk Cullen (aka Emmett)

Mairead- "Thanks Chipmunk Cullen"

Chipmunk Cullen- "Let's get on with the story!"

Chapter 1

Chipmunk Cullen

Mairead POV

Emmett- "I'm a Chipmunk, I'm a Chipmunk! Why won't any one believe meeeee?"

Rosalie- "Because you're a freak!"

Emmett- "No Rosalie, I'm not a freak I'm a Chipmunk!"

Rosalie- "Carlisle, Tell Emmett he's not a Chipmunk!"

Carlisle- "Emmett you're not a Chipmunk!"

Emmett- "Yes I am"

Jasper- "No you're not"

Emmett- "Yes.....I.....am"

Rosalie- "Emmett listen....to.....me.....very....carefully........you.....are.......not......a....chipmunk!"

Emmett- "Ok ok ok ......I'm a Chipmunk Cullen!"

Emmett runs around the house pretending to be a chipmunk, he runs out the front door and climbs trees.

Emmett- "Yay I'm a chipmunk!"

Alice comes home from shopping and goes inside the house,

Alice- "Why is Emmett jumping from trees shouting 'I'm a Chipmunk'?"

Rosalie- "Because my husband is a freak of nature, and thinks he's a chipmunk!"

Emmett- "Rosie wosie, I'm not a freak of nature I'm a chipmunk!"

Rosalie- "What ever Emmett, I'm away hunting!"

Alice- "Emmett I want to be something!! CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I PLEASE?"

Emmett- "Yea sure little sis, what ever you want!"

Alice- "Yay, I'm a.......pixie!"

Carlisle- "Not you too Alice?"

Alice- "It's not Alice it's Princess Pixie!"

Jasper- "No, no, no not my wife too?"

Alice and Emmett are running about the house Emmett pretending to be and Chipmunk and Alice pretending to be a pixie, Esme finds Alice sprinkling sugar every where, all over the kitchen, the sitting room, bed rooms and Edwards Piano!

Esme- "Alice what are you doing?"

Alice- "It's not Alice it's Princess Pixie! And this is my Pixie Dust!"

She runs off sprinkling more Pixie dust!

Emmett- "I am a chipmunk, mommy look at me I'm a chipmunk!"

Esme- "Emmett honey, listen to me, you are not a chipmunk, you are a vampire called Emmett Cullen!"

Emmett- "I'm a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire"

Esme- "No Emmett you, are a vampire pretending to be human, ok now go and pretend you are human"

Emmett- "I am a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire, pretending to be a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human and I'm pretending to be a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human! YAY!"

Emmett runs off into the wood pretending to be a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human. While Alice is still sprinkling sugar around the house. Jasper is trying to persuade Alice that she is not a pixie.

Jasper- "Alice babe you're not a pixie"

Alice- Your right jazz......I'm a Princess Pixie, good boy"

Jasper- "Please Alice stop covering me in sugar!"

Alice- "its pixie dust! You're so sweet!"

Alice kisses Jasper and then licks her lips; Alice then starts to lick Jaspers Face

Jasper- "Alice stop licking my face!"

Alice- "But Jazzy babe you are sooooo sweet!"

Alice chases Jasper around the house.

Edward and Bella come home from the meadow. Bella's asks Edward to play her lullaby on the piano; Edward see's the sugar all over the piano, he reads Esme's mind who is cleaning the sugar in all the rooms.

Edward- "Alice? Alice? Come here!"

Alice- "What Ed Bo?"

Edward- "Alice why is there sugar all over my piano?"

Alice- "It's not Alice its Princess Pixie and that is not sugar its pixie dust!"

She see's Jasper through the window

Alice- "Come here, sweet stuff!"

She runs off after him.

Emmett comes home and runs up to Edward,

Emmet- "I'm a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human pretending to be human!"

Edward- "What?"

Emmett- "I'm a Chipmunk Cullen Vamp......."

Edward- "Yes Emmett I heard that bit! Why are you and Alice so weird to day?"

Emmett- "We're not weird! I'm a Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human and Alice is Princess Pixie!"  
Edward- "What has happened to this family since we left?"

Carlisle- "I don't know, don't ask me I'm a Panda!"

Edward- "Not you toooo"

Edward takes Bella's hand and clears the sugar off the piano,

Edward- "We must be the normal ones of the family"

Edward looks at Bella to see what she will say, and he has the most amazing smile on his face, even I'm dazzled imagining it,

Bella- "Ba-a-a-lla is the name; I'm a La-a-amb!"

Edward- "Please no. come on babe don't do this toooo me!"

Bella- " BAA BAA BAA"

Bella runs off to find Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human, Princess Pixie and Peter Panda.

**A/N Should I go in? I got this idea last night at twelve o'clock!**

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	2. DR Panda

**A/N Thank you for the reviews!**

**They were awesome!**

**This is another late night idea........**

**Disclaimer- I unfortunately do not own Twilight. :(**

**x.x.x**

Chapter 2

Dr. Panda

EMPOV

I like trees, chipmunks like trees, I know I'm going to redecorate mine and Rosalie's room, I'm sure she'll love it, any way main point is I'll love it. Chipmunks really are smart animals, plus they are the most hansom animals, I think, well if they look anything like me they are 100% sexy, and if there muscles are even a little like mine they are amazing. I wonder which tree Rosalie likes most? Oak? Ash? Christmas? O a Christmas tree sounds good.......

Edward- "Emmett it's the middle Of April, you can't get a Christmas tree"

Edward was reading my mind O the little freak, then he has the cheek to call me a freak, I'm normal compared to him, ok maybe a Christmas tree is a little out of season.

I'll go to the woods to see what I like, I love my new chipmunk senses they help me find good trees to jump from.

I'm a little Chipmunk tall and cute.........

EPOV

Emmett was singing his ridiculous song again; I was still trying to talk Bella around

Edward- "Please Bella, babe, come on you are not a lamb"

Bella- "Baa-d Edward its Ba-a-alla the La-a-amb"

She was sitting on the sofa curled up in a little ball, her feet tucked under body.

Alice was deciding what she was going to dress Jasper in, she had come to realise that if she was a Princess Pixie, then she needed a prince, just then she came down the stairs, dragging poor Jasper behind her.

Alice- "I'm brining Jasper shopping every Princess Pixie needs her prince!"

Jasper- "Please Alice not shopping!"

Alice- "This is so not fair, Tinker Bell in Peter Pan can fly, I want to fly, Princess Pixie wants to fly"

Bella- "Princess Pixie, I'll know wha-a-at will ma-a-ake you fly"

Bella got up and ran to the fridge and came back

Bella- "Red Bull, it give's you wings! It wea-a-ars of a-a-after two hours!"

Alice was happy,

Alice- "Yay!"

She took out her pouch of sugar, and sprinkled it all over her and then Jasper, even though it never did anything, then she took a mouthful of Red Bull and forced Jasper to take one too.

They were gone, like bats out of hell.

RosaliePOV

Rosalie- "Emmett Cullen what have you done to our room?"

Emmett- "Rosie wosie, if I've told you once I've told you a million times it's Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human! What you don't like our new kingdom!"

Rosalie- "No Emmett it's like a fucking forest!"

He went way over board this time, as soon as you walk in through the door, your standing in a basin of water, then there was branches of trees every where, and leaves and Emmett had even drew a Christmas tree on the wall beside the mini Ash tree and the mini Oak tree. Just then I saw it, the eight legged little abnormality of nature, poor thing the first spider of creation must have been depressed, being born looking like miniature crab with two extra legs, and no claws. I leaped into Emmett's arms, if there was one thing he was useful for it was catching me, and well I had to admit he is pretty awesome in the physical sense, involving a Vampire durable bed!!

Rosalie- "Get that abnormal freak of nature away from me!"

Emmett ran over and kicked the thing; it was so funny he kicked the spider so hard that when it hit the wall it left a big mess, for such a little thing

Rosalie- "Get rid of this, now!"

Emmett- "But Rosie wosie, I need it all it's my kingdom, I am the Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human and I'm awesome and the forest loves me!"

Rosalie- "No Emmett, the forest doesn't love you for tearing it apart, and brining it into our house"

EsmePov

Poor Rosalie, having to deal with that spider, I had an encounter with a spider once; it got messy, very messy!

Esme- "Carlisle? Where are you?"

Carlisle- "Having a tea party!"

When I walked in and seen a 300 hundred year old Vampire, sitting crossed legged on the floor surrounded by five panda teddie bears, I really had seen it all, life could throw no more surprises at me.

Carlisle was my soul mate I loved him dearly and normally I could talk him around any thing but I could not talk him into believing that he was not Peter Panda. He told me last night that he wanted to adopt a Panda, that he wanted to teach Pandas how to become doctors. He was really starting to freak me out. I had gotten fed up telling him he wasn't a Panda, if you can't beat them, join them maybe I could also.....................hmmmm Esme Kitten

BPOV

Edwa-a-ard still wouldn't believe I wa-a-as a-a-a la-a-amb, he ha-a-ad told me I was a vampire, I'm tha-a-at too, I'm wonder la-a-amb, no that sounds cra-a-ap........mmmmmmmmmmmmm.......I'm Super Sheep! I loved the new me, Edwa-a-ard couldn't sa-a-ay I was being silly any more, i'm not Ba-a-alla the La-a-amb any more i'm Ba-a-alla the Super Sheep.

EPOV

Great, my wife is a total nutter, she is no longer a lamb, but has been promoted to Super Sheep. I was on my own, Esme was having a tea party with Carlisle and his Pandas, Rosalie and Emmett were having alone time, I think she was coming round to the idea of having a chipmunk for a husband, she thinks that it makes him more adventurous in the bedroom area of the relationship that's when I try to tune her out. Bella was running around the house with a bed sheet around her neck being 'super sheep'. Jasper was shopping with Alice............speak of the devil and he'll appear, Jasper came running threw the door and was on his hands and knees on the floor at my feet in seconds. He was sniffing my shoes, then he looked up at me and howled at me, well it sounded like a howl.

Jasper- "I'm a fox!"

**( Sorry I don't know what noise a fox makes)**

Alice- "Foxy, lets go and put on our costumes!"

O no not costumes, there were gone, Jasper had betrayed us, he had joined them, no-o-o-o! It's official my family is the most screwed up, vegetarian vampire, human lovers, chipmunk crazed, Princess Pixie-fied, Peter Panda-ish, Super Sheep, Foxy fox-ed family to ever exist. I need counselling. I'm making an appointment right now.

CarlislePOV

pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas pandas..........Esme just came into the room, she was sooooo cute, hmmmmm I wonder what she would look like, as a Panda? She has seen me having a tea party with my future medical students, we having a very sensible conversation, we talked about how realistic it was to have Pandas as doctors and we knew that it is so sensible; we can barely believe it's sensible.

Carlisle- "Want to join my tea party?

Esme- "Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Carlisle- "panda panda panda"

Esme- "Purrr purrrrrrrrrrr pur?"

Carlisle- "Panda"

Esme- "Pur!"

(That's how a Panda and Kitten talk)

APOV

I'm flying with Red Bull wings, and catching foxy fox who is soooo sweet, who is chasing chipmunk cullen who is a vampire pretending to be human who is chasing super sheep, who is chasing...... a wasp that stung Peter Panda's Panda doctor!

I want to go to the cinema

Alice- "I want to go to the cinema!"

Emmett- "Ooooh chipmunks love the cinema!"

Bella- "Super sheep can keep safe you's, from the evil little heart beating, pulsing blood, appetizing little popcorn throwers."

Carlisle- "Let's go see Kung Fu Panda, it involves a Panda!"

Alice- "Carl....Peter Panda, that movie is out of the cinema months ago!"

Rosalie- "My tail won't fit on the chair!"

Alice my sister had great taste, Sexy Peacock,

Alice- "We'll Platt it!"

Rosalie- "But my tail!"

Alice- "Straighten it?"

Rosalie- "No hot appliances near my feathers!"

Alice- "Stand up then!"

Bella- "Where's Edward?"

Emmett- "Away to see a counsellor"

Bella- "Awwwh, I wonder what is wrong with him?"

**A/N I'm not sure if this is funny enough?**

**Review and tell me. Any ideas? They are all really really welcome!**

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	3. I'm not crazy right?

**A/N Sorry it took so long, but I don't have the internet so it's hard to update, this chapter will hopefully let you see Edwards POV.**

**Hope you like it please review....I really love reading them....**

**Disclaimer- I don't Twilight :(**

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Chapter 3

I'm not crazy...Right?

Why am I, the only sane member of my family waiting to see a counsellor? My family think they are animals and I am the one seeking professional help when they are at home most likely running around the house like idiots.

_Mean while back in the Cullen's_

_Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Bella are running around the house like idiots._

Just as I was about to walk out of the waiting area the receptionist behind the desk caught my attention, as I looked up at her she beckoned me that I came up to her desk, she was thinking a whole load of nonsense, like how cool it would be to get me to go on a date with her and how her friends would react if she walked into a bar with me, I had to let her know that I was taken even if the love of my eternity thought that she was a sheep. So as I walked towards her I made sure she caught sight of my wedding ring and when she seen it her mind got back to work

"How can I help you sir?"

"I wanted to book an appointment"

Emphasising the past tense 'wanted'

"Ok, Name? Sorry wanted to make an appointment?"

"Yes....wanted"

"And you now don't?"

"Do I look crazy to you?"

"No sir"

"Do I look like an animal to you?"

She had let her imagination spiral out of control again, she was thinking

"You definitely do not look like an animal, more a Greek god, or an Angel or you would make an excellent stripper....I wonder what you look like naked.......O wait he's still waiting on an answer..."

I nearly laughed at her thoughts

"No sir, you don't look like an animal"

"Do I act like an animal?"

Her thoughts again were getting carried away

"No you don't but I bet you are quite an animal in bed.........crap still waiting on an answer"

This woman had a weird imagination, she was easily distracted

"No sir, you don't act like an animal either"

Ok I really can't have any more of her fantasies

"Ok... thank you I'm cured; you're a brilliant councillor, good bye"

I was never so happy to see the inside of my Volvo, I was also looking forward to going home to see my wife even though she thinks she is a sheep she's still my Bella.

As I drive in the lane to our house Alice wants to go to the cinema, Bella wants to see Harry Potter, and Emmett just wants to buy popcorn even thought he won't eat it. So I walk in through the front door and I am met by Bella

"Are you ok, I know you may feel a little strange, but it's ok I'll still love you even if you are a nutter, I'll protect you from your silly imagination after all I am Super Sheep"

"Super Sheep, go get Esme Kitten, Sexy Peacock and Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human and tell them we are going to see Harry Potter!"

"Alice where is Esme, Rosalie and Emmett?"

"O Edward, you really have lost your marbles you have to call us by our proper names, let me go over them for you in case you don't understand Princess Pixie that's me ok, Esme Kitten which in case you are still confused that is Esme, and Chipmunk Cullen Vampire Human is Emmett ok did you get all that?"

Jasper came running up to Alice

"Edward lost his marbles? How terrible....."

He began to cry,

"What is up with you?"

"I'm so sorry for you that you lost your marbles, I never knew you liked marbles"

He ran off crying, I think that Jasper was turning emo.

They are treating me like I am a mental patient, I really am going to have a break down, I may very well be the first Vampire in Vampire history to have a mental breakdown, I may also be the first Vampire in Vampire history to have a family that think they are animals

"I'm not going crazy"

Carlisle had came to stand beside me he was holding Panda teddy bears

"This my colleges is a common case of Vampiric Paranoia it happens when A mind Reading Vampire gets confused and thinks that he is in a normal state of mind when actually he is having a break down, even though to him it seems as if he is the only normal vampire when in fact he is the one with the problem"

"Carlisle I'm not going crazy, I'm not having a breakdown and I don't have Vampiric Paranoia!"

Alice was on my other side

"Edward am I going to have to correct you all day that is Peter Panda, wait maybe some pixie dust will help...."

Alice was throwing tons of sugar all over me and as it was hitting my skin it tickled, then Bella was at my side

"I'll save you from the evil pixie dust"

"Super Sheep, Princess Pixie's pixie dust is not evil; it makes people have a sweeter side!"

Ok maybe I am having a break down, this is not my fault, maybe this is all one big daydream and I am actually still in the meadow with Bella and any moment now I will snap out of it and I will come home to find my normal family......waiting......waiting.......waiting

THUMP

"What was that for?"

"Edward you were repeating the same word.....waiting"

"Baaaabe what are you waiting for?"

"To wake up, because I am day dreaming and me and you are in our meadow and all this animal business isn't really happening"

THUMP

"Edward you are really getting on my nerves, have you booked another counselling session yet?"

"I don't need counselling Alice, you do all of you, I'm fine, I am Edward Anthony Masen Cullen a Vampire married to Isabella Marie Swan Masen Cullen, Father of Renesme Carlie Masen Cullen Black, Father in law to Jacob Black, brother to Jasper and Alice Hale, and Emmett and Rosalie Cullen and son to Carlisle and Esme Cullen I am not pretending to be an animal, I don't need help, I'm not a chipmunk or a pixie or a panda or a fox or a kitten or a peacock or a sheep"

At this rate I will be booking myself into the nearest mental home, not because I'm losing my mind but that it will get me away from my family. Alice wanted to go to the cinema, but I didn't want to leave the house with them, and Bella wouldn't go if I didn't so Alice wouldn't go if she didn't neither would Rosalie, Jasper wouldn't go because Alice wasn't going and Emmett wouldn't go because Jasper wasn't going, and Carlisle and Esme wouldn't go because none of us were going. Alice switched on the TV to see if there were any movies on, but the news channel was on and the headlines read

"2 reported cases of Swine Flu in Forks Washington"

Carlisle was sitting around the dining table with his pandas, discussing the best way to treat all of Forks from the Swine Flu, agreeing on recruiting more pandas, Emmett ran around the house screaming

"We're going to die"

Then Alice joined in

"We're going to catch the Swine Flu and die"

Bella was running around like a lunatic

"Swine Flu in Forks what next? Junkie Vampires?"

Then Emmett's attention was diverted, he was thinking about getting high on drugs, and then he was thinking about getting high on Swine Flu medication drugs.

I had taken enough,

"Emmett Alice, we can't catch Swine Flu because we're Vampires and we can't die"

Emmett screamed louder

"The Swine Flu's going to catch us.....and is going to torcher us for eternity"

I give up...either I'm going into a mental institute or my family is.

**A/N seriously hoped you liked it....I'm kind of running out of ideas....your ideas are very welcome**

**Thanks for the reviews so far they are totally awesome...thank you**

**Please review this chapter....**

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	4. The Cullen name making factor

**(A/N I am soooooo sorry it took so long, but I don't have the internet....my school has banned fan fiction so I can't update as often as I would like.....I know it sucks!!**

**Hope you enjoy...Please review**

**x.x.x)**

Chapter 4

The Cullen name making factor has got talent

BPOV

Poor Edward, he was in a terrible state, he is convinced that myself and the rest of our family is going crazy, he keeps trying to tell me i'm not super sheep, but look at me it's so obivious that I am, he is trying to convince Peter Panda that he can't recuite fellow pandas to help treat Swine flu patients saying that pandas can't be doctors, but look at Peter Panda he's a Panda and he works in the local hosptail. I think we may have to book him into a mental home, even though he could break out...maybe we should build a special home that he can't get out off.........

APOV

.....O that's a brilliant idea, My sister super sheep really is smart, a vampire proof mental home for Edward, we can make sure he gets the treatment that he needs, he really has got himself all worked up he's convinced himself that we are going crazy that we are not who we are, but I was born to be a pixie, and I am already a princess.

EPOV

Alice was blocking her thoughts again, what was she up to? Bella was running around the house with her sheild up closing all the windows and doors, she had even checked the roof for any holes, she was trying to keep the swine flu out, Emmett had taken the news report badly, sitting beside Esme crying

"I don't want to die mommy.....I have so much I want to do.....so many trees to climb..."

"It's okay Chipmunk Super sheep will have the house swine flu secure and we will all be okay"

Emmett was still thinking about what Bella had said about junkie Vampires and he wanted to try it out, so he came up with a cover story

"I'm going to climb some trees before I die..."

And away he ran, Bella was shouting at him

"If you catch the swine flu or the Swine Flu catches you......your sleeping outside"

"What........I have to sleep? I haven't slept in years is there something wrong with me?"

what had Bella started now, Emmetts mind was caos again

I'm meant to sleep...

How do I sleep?

Am ill?

Is there something wrong with me?

What are the symptoms of swine flu....sleep loss?

Carlisle had gathered his multplying panda bears in his arms and came towards Emmett

"Chipmunk my dear son, you are fine, Vampires don't need sleep"

"Phew thats okay I'm away to get high...I mean hunt and get high on bear blood, hmmmm bear"

O no

"Emmett you don't need another name extension"

"Shut up Edward stop reading my mind you freaking nutter, you belong in a mental home you crazy mother fucker"

Where the fuck did that come from?

"Do you not think I resemble a bear? Huh see I do because I have a short temper and bears have short tempers"

He walked into the living room and called a family meeting

"Every one I have a an announcment"

We all gathered around the table

"I have a new name Chipmunk Cullen Vampbear Human"

He was totally loosing his marbles, a mental institute sounds really good right now, accomodation and getting away from my family.

Every one else thought that Emmetts new name was amazing but they had all decided that they wanted to change their names, Carlisle came forward

"Maybe we should all fix up our names"

Jasper spoke

"What about we have a competition to see who can come with the best name"

Alice got so excited

"A name making talent show....The Cullen name making factor has got talent"

Emmett ran off...I couldn't read his mind because he was thinking about so many things it was too hard to read any sensible thoughts....althought he never has any sensible thoughts.

EPOV

Emmett came stumbling threw the door

"Is it just me or did any of you see that blue pig fly?"

"Emmett what the fuck...."

"Eddie, wow what did you do to your hair bro? its...its alive"

He ran away fro me screaming

"Eddies hair is alive and it's going to eat me"

What was he on?

I turned to see Bella in one of her new sheep wool jumpers coming towards me on her hands and knees, she had a dvd box in her mouth, the dvd was Black Sheep it was some sort of scary movie

"Lets watch a dvd"

Bella shouted around the house within 2 seconds every one was sitting in the living room, I put the dvd in. I have to admit it was quite funny the fact that there was killer sheep, Bella on the other hand was annoyed that any one would want to make a movie about killer sheep, so she got up and stormed out.

Emmett was trying to think of a dvd which contained chipmunks, then I remembered a dvd which is so cool, it was my guilty pleasure so I turned to Emmett an said

"Alvin and the chipmunks"

"Edward you freak....stop reading my mind and keep your hair at least 2 meters away from me at all times"

Jasper was sitting besdie me crying

"Jasper what is wrong with you?"

"Emmett called you a freak for reading his mind, so that makes me a freak for feeling his emotions, why are we so freakish?"

"Jasper, if Edward and you are freaks that makes me a freak because I see our future........HOW DARE YOU CALL US FREAKS CHIPMUNK CULLEN"

wow Alice had attitude, she was so pissed at Emmett right now, he got up and left the room he was standing at the front door thinking

"Stay in and killed by Alice or Go out side and risk that flying pig coming back and the Swine flu catching me? And being chased by Edwards crazy sex hair hair?"

Sex hair....? yea sure my hair was a little messy but thats because it has a mind of it's own....o that would really freak Emmett out.....but seriously sex hair.....!

EMPOV (When he goes to get high)

As I ran into the woods and headed towards Port Angeles, I was thinking about all the new drugs that I wanted to try out, as I reached an ally way behind a drug rehabilitation clinic I seen a group of men swapping parcles and money, some rehab this was they come to rehab to buy the drugs.......I walked over and they took one look at me and started to run. My super fast chipmunk, Vampbear reflexes caught the smallest skinniest boy by the arm and I pulled him towards me

"I want some....are you not going to share?"  
"Your not a cop?"

"Do I look like a cop?"

"Yes and No, You could be your built like one"

"Well....I'm not I am a first time tryer and I want some good effective drugs to get me high...now what have you got?"

"Coke, dope, E's or LSD'S"

"Erm....which ones taste nice?"

"Dude......it doesn't matter how they taste it's how they make you feel"

"Ok I'll take $200. worth please"

The young boy handed me the stuff then I took it all, this is totally amazing hehehehehehehe

_Emmetts Journey Home!!_

Emmett walks into the small corner shop at the end of the street

"I would like to purchase some swine flu please"

"I'm sorry sir, what?"

"I wish to purchase the swine flu so I can get the drugs to make it go away"

"Sir we don't sell swine flu, we don't sell any illness, now please get out"

That wasn't very nice, no wonder that shop had no customers

As I was just about to walk thriugh thte front door of my house a blue pig came from nowwhere and tried to kill me, then it flew away I stumbled through the door

"Is it just me or did any of you see that blue pig fly?"

They have to have seen it...it was massive

"Emmett what the fuck...."

OMG....what is on his head....oooooh scary

"Eddie, wow what did you do to your hair bro? its...its alive"

It was trying to get me, it wants to kill me......nooooooooo!

"Eddies hair is alive and it's going to eat me"

Then I ran away, Super Sheep called us to say that we were watching a dvd, it was about killer sheep....which was sooooooo funny....then super sheep ran out huffing!!

I want to watch a movie with chipmunks...we are the most amazing animals on this whole plant I'm sure that there are loads about chipmunks......I wonder do we have any in the house....Just then that crazy sex haired freak of a brother of mine read my mind again and answered my question....GRRRRR....FREAK!

"Alvin and the chipmunks"

"Edward you freak....stop reading my mind and keep your hair at least 2 meters away from me at all times"

Then EMO jasper started to be EMO and cry like little EMO.....Right now I am playing an imaginary worlds tiniest violin just for him...NOT!

**(A/N I have to say I got that from Emma-Lou.....)**

Sex hair asks him

"Jasper what is wrong with you?"

"Emmett called you a freak for reading his mind, so that makes me a freak for feeling his emotions, why are we so freakish?"

What he feels my emotions....O yea I knew that!!

"Jasper, if Edward and you are freaks that makes me a freak because I see our future........HOW DARE YOU CALL US FREAKS CHIPMUNK CULLEN"

O no serioualy pissed pixie not good.....seriously not good...

Stay in and killed by Alice or Go out side and risk that flying pig coming back and the Swine flu catching me? And being chased by Edwards crazy sex hair hair?

**(A/N Hey Hey.....**

**If you are feeling generous and wish to grace me with your reviews just simply push the little innocent box below and review!! -----WOW I actually wrote that hehehe......lol**

**Please review...**

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	5. Normal

**(A/N Hey....this chappie is short...sorry in advance......so please read, enjoy and review!! :)**

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Chapter 5

Normal

EPOV

Emmett has been avoiding me all night, Alice spent all night licking sugar off Jasper, Rosalie took the engine of Emmett's jeep apart and rebuilt it again. Carlisle held a conference with his pandas to talk about the swine flu and find the best way to treat every one

Esme spent all night redecorating Carlisle's office and Bella spend the whole night by my side as I played the piano.

I could hear Emmett in his room above he was determined that he could act like a human, he was so funny then he got serious.

EMPOV

I can do this, I am Chipmunk Cullen Vampbear Human I can do anything I set my mind to......So what do humans do, they sleep then they get up and take off their pyjamas. So I got off my bed and changed my clothes like a normal human.

Humans eat breakfast so I ran into the woods and had breakfast like a normal human except for the drinking the blood of a irritated grizzly bear it was normal enough.

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I put the toothpaste on the brush and started to run them over my teeth like a normal human.....the venom in my teeth melting the toothbrush as I made sure my teeth were clean......NOT NORMAL!

Ok so that may not work.

I looked into the mirror at my naturally pale skin, and the black circles under my eyes because of the lack of blood in my system........NOT NORMAL!

Wait I am pale with black bags under my eyes.......in a human case that would also not be normal....Plus I have no temperature meaning that I am cold....that too is not normal for a human....so that means I am sick and I have no pulse so I must be badly ill !!

What if I caught the swine flu yesterday when I went to get high?

"Emmett you can't catch the swine flu!!"

I hate it when Edward reads my mind, he is so weird I mean he thinks he is a plain old vampire....he doesn't have an inner animal come on seriously he thinks the rest of us is weird....has he looked at himself lately??

I ran to Carlisle who was in his office.

Carlisle POV

After a long night of agreeing and dis-agreeing my fellow panda colleagues have came to a decision, the best way forward is to treat every one with medication.

Just then Chipmunk walked in he looked so worried,

"Daddy, I have the swine flu I just know it....I'm gunna die aren't I"

"No dear son....I Dr. Panda will save you......no flu will take you....."

It's a good job I have some swine flu medication in my pocket, I took it out and handed them to Emmett.

"Take two, three times daily, for two weeks stay isolated from every one for 10 days then I will check you over again."

My dear son ran off wailing and screaming

"O god, I have the swine flu....why me? Why? I am just such a sweet innocent little chipmunk"

EMPOV

Daddy just gave me medication, it was a little clear plastic box, the small label on the front read **'tic tacs' **O God this was serious, I put one of the high dosage pills into my mouth, and I knew just then that I would not survive this, what would my family do with out me??

I want to be alone so I ran to be with my tree brothers....and the other animals that liked my trees!

EPOV

Emmett is convinced that he has swine flu, I mean Carlisle gave him a box of breath mints, Emmett ran off into the woods....wailing that he was dying! I need help.....ok that's the first step admitting that I need help.....but I don't help they do...all of them....my family...DAMN there's the denial again.

Just then Bella, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie were standing in front of me all holding small clip boards and long white coats, which Carlisle must have supplied they were looking at me weirdly...I noticed that Esme was thinking about how empty this house would be with out me....why was she thinking that? Where was I going...I'm not going anywhere!

**(A/N Sorry it's so short.....sorry if there are any spelling mistakes......erm I'm thinking of doing a chapter about putting Edward in a vampire proof mental home...and then a chapter about Emmett being in isolation……..what do you think? Any ideas?**

**Please review**

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	6. Extremely Imporant !

**(A/N...Okay I am ashamed to say that I have lost my mojo for this story, I started it at a time in my life where everything was easy and simple but know that I have faced and endured the horrible thing that is called growing up or maturity I just can't seem to continue writing this story...so I have came up with a plan I am giving it to anyone who wants it, If you feel that you can pick up where I left off and make this story work you can have it...If you want it message me your ideas and who ever comes up with the best one will get it...copy what has been written in my profile and paste it to theirs and continue...of course I will follow who ever does finish it... so please don't forget to leave me your details...**

**Thank you for who ever reads this...x.x.x)**


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